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★ A FIELD GUIDE, FROM THE PEOPLE WHO BUILD SITES IN 72 HOURS

How a website goes straight to hell.

Nobody sets out to make a bad website. It happens one perfectly reasonable message at a time. Here are the nine circles — and the door out.

A tired web designer at a laptop while the client cheerfully waves him toward a trapdoor with stairs spiraling down into flames.
CIRCLE 1 · THE BRIEF

"Clean. Modern. Also put everything on the homepage."

The client holds a napkin with one tiny box on it while pointing at a wall crammed with every website section ever made.
I want it really simple and minimal. And can the homepage have our services, our team, our history, testimonials, the blog, a video, and the FAQ? Above the fold.

The first message is always two opposite websites at once. Nobody notices, because the words "clean" and "everything" both sound like good things.

TEMPERATURE: WARM
CIRCLE 2 · THE LOGO

"Bigger."

The logo has grown so large it crushes the desk. The client gives two thumbs up and asks for bigger.
Love it! Can the logo be bigger?
Sure — here you go.
Bigger.
Here.
Hmm. Now it's too big. Can it be the same size but feel bigger? Maybe it glows.

The logo will be resized eleven times. It will end where it started. This is tradition.

TEMPERATURE: TOASTY
CIRCLE 3 · THE COMMITTEE

"My nephew does websites. He has notes."

A nephew, a business partner, a spouse and a gym bro all point at the screen in different directions.
So I showed it to my nephew, my business partner, my wife, and a guy at the gym. Attaching all their thoughts. Some contradict each other — just use your judgment!

A website designed by five people is a website that nobody wanted. The guy at the gym does not have to live with it. You do.

TEMPERATURE: HOT
CIRCLE 4 · THE FONT SAFARI

"Can we see a few more fonts?"

The designer wades through a jungle of squiggly font samples while the client chases one with a butterfly net.
This font feels a little corporate. Can we try something friendlier? But still professional. Fun, but serious. You know?
Here are three options.
Can we see, like, twenty?

Forty-seven fonts later, the winner is the second one you were shown. It always is. The other forty-six were a week.

TEMPERATURE: HOT
CIRCLE 5 · THE COLORS

"The blue feels sad."

The designer holds a hundred nearly identical blue swatches. The client sobs at one and laughs at another.
Can we try a happier blue? Like a blue that's excited but trustworthy. Not too excited. A CFO blue, but fun.
Here's a brighter blue.
Too happy now. Go back to sad but less sad.

There are sixteen million colors on a screen. This conversation will visit most of them.

TEMPERATURE: SWEATING
CIRCLE 6 · THE PHOTOS

"Can the people look like they mean it?"

Stock photo models with frozen grins, and one wearing a paper mask of the client's own face.
The stock photo people don't look like our customers. Can they be more real? But not too real. Happy, but not stock-photo happy. Also can one of them be shaking hands?

Real photos of your real business take one afternoon and beat every stock image ever made. That afternoon is always next week.

TEMPERATURE: SWEATING
CIRCLE 7 · "I'LL KNOW IT WHEN I SEE IT"

Round fourteen.

The designer is buried in fourteen printed layouts. The client shrugs with his eyes closed.
It's close! It's just missing something. I can't explain it. I'll know it when I see it.
Can you point to a site that has it?
No, but you'll know.

"I'll know it when I see it" is not feedback. It is a subscription to more rounds.

TEMPERATURE: SMOKE DETECTOR
CIRCLE 8 · WHILE YOU'RE IN THERE

"Can it also do bookings? And a store? And a podcast?"

The client stacks a shopping cart, a calendar, a microphone and a padlock onto the designer's back.
Since we're already building it — can customers book online, buy merch, read the blog, listen to the podcast, and log in to a members area? Same budget, obviously. It's just a couple more pages.

Every "while you're in there" is a second website wearing the first one's invoice.

TEMPERATURE: FLAMES VISIBLE
CIRCLE 9 · THE VANISHING

Three weeks of silence. Then:

The designer waits at a cobwebbed desk with a tumbleweed, then the client storms in furious about the launch.
Hey!! Why isn't the site live yet?? We were counting on this for the launch!!
We've been waiting on your logo file, the photos, and the answer about the blue since the 4th.
Oh. Can we just go with whatever you think?

The site was finished in circle two. Everything since was a tour. This is the bottom. It has Wi-Fi, and it is where most websites live forever.

TEMPERATURE: YES
★ THE EXIT

How we keep your site out of all nine.

The designer and client climb out of the trapdoor into sunlight, high-fiving over a finished website. The trapdoor is padlocked shut.
  1. One intake, five questions. Business, vibe, pages, payments, the goal. Not a committee. Not a mood board of forty fonts.
  2. We build first, then you react. A real site in 72 hours — not a mockup, not a wireframe, not a font safari. Reacting to a real thing takes ten minutes. Imagining one takes a month.
  3. Unlimited changes, one message at a time. "Make the logo bigger" is a text. It's live in about 48 hours. No round fourteen, because there are no rounds — just a thread.
  4. "While you're in there" has a price tag. Bookings, store, SEO, email — each one is a tap in your dashboard with a number on it. Nothing sneaks onto the invoice, and nothing gets built for free out of guilt.
  5. Nobody vanishes. Your dashboard shows every request, every reply, and what's in progress. You'll get an email when it's done and one every month with what changed.
Get My Site — $59/mo See How It Works

A note to clients, from the people building your site.

You hired professionals. The single biggest thing you can do for your website is back off and let them work — then react to the real thing. Three habits that get you a great site fast:

Inspired by The Oatmeal's "How a Web Design Goes Straight to Hell" — the original is funnier, go read it. Everything above is our own version, from our own inbox.